Singles Retreat

Just got back from a night away. The Sunday Night group we go to here had a single's retreat last night and this morning.  We went to this little "resort" (don't think Disney here!) just outside of Vientiane that bordered a river and was very rustic. One group found a green snake (non-poisionous!) in their room, and when my roomates and I quieted down for the night, we could hear rats scurrying up and down the inside of the walls! It was really beautiful and so nice to just get away from the norm and meet with the Father in His beautiful creation (accompanied by His creatures too;). I didn't take my camera with me so I can't show you any pictures...maybe next time. The best part was getting to spend more time with people that I see every Sunday but have not had a chance to get to know better. Retreats really help break the ice with that and I was able to talk with some really sweet girls who live in Laos - some for about the same amount of time as me and some much longer and who have a different perspective on life here. One that I needed to see - that yes, the beginning is hard, but stick with it and you really can build community, learn to get around in another language and start to feel like a little bit more like this is "home".

They needed someone to lead singing so I volunteered to bring my guitar. It's funny because I had such a down day yesterday that I almost decided not to bring my guitar because I just felt too weak and unworthy to lead anyone to the throne through song. But, the Father ended up really ministering to my heart during the song time...and that doesn't always happen because I'm focusing on playing the right chords. This time though I just felt the words were alive in my soul...offering hope and grace to me in my brokenness. He is so gentle and gracious.

I read this poem in A Shelter in the Time of Storm  - the devo book my mom gave me that contains reflections on Psalm 27 which just continues to minister to my spirit in such a poignant way - and wanted to share it with you. In this place where I battle loneliness on an almost constant basis, knowing I'm part of His family has become a more precious truth than ever.

I deserve to be
forsaken
to be forever cast away.
I deserve to be rejected
to have You turn away and stay.
I have debated Your goodness.
I have questioned Your law.
I have doubted Your wisdom.
I have run from Your love.
I deserve Your righteous judment
the full weight of Your law.
I have wanted what I wanted.
I've walked from Your grace.
I have trespassed Your boundaries.
I have envied Your throne.
I don't deserve your affection,
the many things I could not earn.
I don't deserve Your provision,
the daily gifts of Your love.
I don't deserve the rights of family,
to be called Your child.
I don't deserve the warm reception,
Tender care and endless help.
I don't deserve to call You Father
to be welcomed in Your home.
So You came to be rejected,
to have the Father turn His face.
Your bond of family was broken
You came to stand in my place.
You didn't deserve to be rejected
It came because of Your love.
You didn't deserve to be forsaken
Yet You were willing to the end.
So now I have a family,
Forever I've been received.
I am never forsaken
Even when I'm all alone.
When fatherless and friendless,
You are with me even then.
I have been given a family
I did not deserve or earn.
The Father has received me.
I will never be alone.
Once more I will forsake You.
I will question Your love.
Once more I will debate You.
I will turn from Your face.
But You will come as a Father.
You will treat me as a son.
You will forgive me and restore me.
With great patience and great love.
In You I've found a family.
In You I have found grace.
And what I've found, I've found forever.
Forever Father.
Forever family.
Forever welcomed.
Forever love.