Happy New Year

Last year at this time found me off to my student Sone's house for the New Year. I was apprehensive - it was my first time staying overnight at a Lao home, I didn't know her super-well, and I was terrified I was imposing on her family. After all, she basically called her mom hours before this foreigner showed up. (I was the first foreigner they'd ever had in their home).

It's funny to think back to that day now. Sone is now one of the best friends I've ever had, as close as a blood sister, and my roommate (along with her little sister). She is also a sister in the most important way.

Her parents call me their daughter now, and I think this time will be the 10th time I've gone to her home for the weekend. 

This year has been full of change and adventure, joy and sadness, laughter and tears, ups and downs in so many areas, and this is one example.

Today finds me spending another "countdown" (that's what Lao people call it, though when they say it, it sounds more like they're saying "cow dow" because they drop the endings of words) at Sone's house with her family. Last year we had a quiet countdown - Sone and me curled up on the floor in a blanket (it was freezing!!) watching the countdown on TV (admittably it felt a little strange seeing as I was bundled up with one of my students spending the New Year at her house, but as I've come to realize, it's totally normal in Lao culture because of how warm and welcoming they are!)

I'd be OK with another quiet countdown this year, though you never know what to expect. In fact, it's better not to expect and then you will probably be able to deal with the unexpected better.  It's been an exhausting Christmas season to say the least and I feel tired, weary and drained.  So after celebrating the New Year with Sone and her family, I'm heading off to have a night away, hopefully to refresh, recharge and relax out in nature and with the Creator.

Bibi and Borpenyang

Yesterday was a hard day. One of my hardest this semester (such a good opening line when ending my 2-month blog silence, eh?).  Yesterday we lost our dog Bibi. I hadn't even announced her presence to the cyber world. I guess I was waiting til I bought my own laptop.

Anyway, wanted to share an excerpt from my journal yesterday.  Sorry, I think I sound a little bit like those animal lovers I used to secretly laugh at... Oh well.


I'm sitting on the swing in the yard. Bibi used to come with me when I'd sit here. She never will again.

Bibi died this morning. Her young life cut short by a van on Dong Dok Road. She was naughty, noisy and bit all of our shoes, but I loved that dog. She was ours. Bought with two bags of MSG. My first dog on my own. From the minute I saw her walking down the road with Nouy toward our house, she grabbed my heart - no small feat for this self-proclaimed dog-hater. But I loved Bibi - even when she was getting spanked she was so cute. I loved playing with her in the yard.


She didn't even get to eat the big bones Jess brought over for her. At first I was saving them for her for Christmas.  We used to give our dogs a big bone like that every Christmas. But last night I decided to give her one, but couldn't remember where there were (that's par for the course in this house!)

Now it's too late.


Almost immediately after Sone brought Bibi's limp body back to our house, the Lao's favorite word "borpenyang" (translated many ways in English - "never mind," "it's ok," "it's not a problem," etc) was being sad. In my tears I said, "It's not borpenyang," thinking can't I just grieve this? My heart doesn't feel borpenyang. Bibi's not borpenyang. Her spunky self stilled by the tires of that van.


Can't something just for once not be borpenyang?!


I think that's what I love most about Nouy (Sone's little sis) - she feels and she feels deeply and she lets herself feel. That's not really typical here. She and I were sobbing over Bibi's body together today.


I think maybe this is hitting me harder because in a place where you have no roots, no official family, a dog is a symbol of sorts - a symbol of "a real family," of having a real home, establishing roots, longevity. And when you have so little of that already, and suddenly part of what little you have is snatched away it feels devastating.

It's not just the loss of a spunky kidu (Lao for naughty) ball of joy, though that would be hard enough. It's the loss of an idea, a security, a symbol to a soul that longs for the security of home. Bibi made our house chaotic, messier and livelier. But she made it feel like a real home (minus the whole picket fence idea, of course. She probably would've chewed that anyway).

After losing my computer back in October, Nouy brought Bibi home (she was to be our fearless guard dog). Then we lost Bibi the next day (we were all a little new at the taking care of a dog thing). As I lifted up our loses and begged the Father for restoration, I realized I'd rather have Bibi back than the laptop (sometimes I questioned that  after she bit my shoes!!). And for the 2 days we scoured the neighborhood and put up flyers, I wrestled with why He couldn't just bring her back. The age-old question of why the Powerful One who can do anything doesn't seem to respond to my petitions even though I know it'd be so easy for Him to do.

The day we spotted Bibi was a day of great joy and I feel like the Father spoke to my heart how He does hear and He does care, but like the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter, He often lets us sit with the angst so we see Him in the journey. Bibi became a constant reminder to me of The Father's care, His listening ear in spite of the seemingly insignificance of our request. 

Now that reminder's gone. Though, yes, my head knows the theological response that I've got 66 chapters of reminders resting on my courch right now. I'm just not there yet. And, I think that's ok, because our Father is so patient and gentle - He taught me that through Bibi.


No matter how small the loss, we need to grieve. So, I'm grieving the loss of sweet Bibi.


And just for today, I want that to be "borpenyang".

School Begins

This is now the 4th week of school for us at Dong Dok, though it is the first full week we've had yet! Two weeks ago we had Thursday and Friday off for Teacher's Day, and last week we had Wednesday and Thursday off for the Boat Racing Festival. I've also been to Thailand the past two weekends to take visit the state-of-the-art hospital in Khon Khaen there (no worries, I was merely the traveling buddy, not the patient).

Perhaps one of the most exciting parts of the past few weeks though was yesterday... Bei and Thuai, the two little neighbor boys from the house across the way, had their first day of school. We've been hoping for a while to help them find a way to go to school. So the other day, Sone and I stopped by their house and asked if they would like to go to school. Their mom gave permission and so we went to the school to inquire about it. Monday we went shopping for school clothes and school supplies.

Here's Thuai trying on a shirt at the market.

 Nouy and Sone helped the kids put all their supplies together in their bag.

Sone was being the exemplary "ueai" (older sister) teaching the boys how to behave at school and take care of their supplies.

 Thuai on the first day of school. He's such a cutie.

 Bei all dressed up in his uniform.

 Sone and I dropped the kids off for their first day.

 I felt so bad though because the two days that we went there, all the kids were gawking at us. I'm assuming it's because I'm a falang (foreigner), but I think it made the boys feel really self-conscious. Bei has been to school before, but I think the teacher said he only came for one day and then quit. I'm so hoping that they will continue going to school and learning because without education, and basic literacy skills, there's really little they can do (except get into trouble). So, our hope is that we can encourage them in their studies and help them to continue going until they feel comfortable. Today they ate lunch with Nouy and I, and after Thuai had shown off his counting skills, he told us a kid hit him at school. I'm hoping they don't get picked on because they are poor and their family situation is a little strange.  They are so precious, and I haven't been able to reach out to them as often as I would've liked, but I'm thankful for this opportunity and would ask you to be lifting these cuties up to the Father. That He would have His hand on their life, and that He would give Sone and I wisdom as we seek to help them as much as possible. They don't even have electricity at their house so if they don't study before it gets dark they can't even read their books or practice their writing. We're going to look into the possibility of running some electricity from our place to theirs so they at least have a light at night or something.

Anyway, that's my news for now. Here's a super cute pic of Thuai and Bei... :)

One of those days...

Yesterday was just one of those days. One of those days where I thought, what am I doing here?!  As many of you know, we've battled ants and ants and more ants in our house (along with a few other species of small crawling things) and yesterday was like WWIII with the ants. Here you can see they have created an ant hill inside our house. This is in our kitchen in one of the corners.

 They had also spread to the entire cupboard area...leading to this massive pile of dishes to be washed and de-anted.  We don't have hot water in our sink, so we have to boil it if we are going to wash with hot water. Christa ate chocolate popcorn the night before and even though I washed the pot thoroughly (or so I thought!) with hot water, the ants still found some remnants to raid. They decided to check out the rest of the cupboard while they were on the prowl. 

 Here is the cupboard, emptied of its contents for the third time since moving here due to my favorite little creatures.

 Oh, and did I mention that our kitchen faucet was also broken? The water pressure was too intense and the other day it just catapulted right off the spigot and onto the floor. So we couldn't wash the ant-infested dishes in the sink...So we resorted to Lao style dish washing - outside and rinsing in basins of water. Not too terrible, but for this lazy American, rather back-breaking! I'm just so spoiled, and it's days like these that really make me aware of that!

 We decided to launch a pre-emptive strike with the ants and seal up all their hideouts. So here Sone is filling in the crevices with a cement paste. Hopefully this will keep them out of our house (at least for a few days!)

 More cement paste in the cubpoard...

 Another view of the mountain of dishes waiting to be washed.

 Here's our faucet...do you see the stream launching out to the left side, in addition to what is coming out of the faucet? Had a few unexpected showers today from our wacky faucet!

It was kinda funny, because we went to dinner while the cement was drying (I didn't want to eat at home and make any more dishes!) and I was just telling Sone how this is just one of those days that makes me realize things here are so very different than things in the States. I think I had forgotten how different until I went back for the summer. It's not even like I long for the ease and comforts or even really miss them, because I know I'm right where the Father wants me to be.

But today was just one of those days where I wish I could've called Terminex or something and with a snap of my fingers, eradicated the problem. I think that's how I am with so much of life. I just want to call Terminex of the heart and have every struggle quickly and neatly taken away, every fleshly instinct gone with the snap of my fingers. Instead, the Father calls me to get on my knees, get a little dirty and let Him fill the holes of my heart where the invaders keep coming in.

Wow, when I started writing this, I didn't plan on it being philosophical at all, or having any sort of deeper analogy, but then it just sort of happened. Hmm, something for me to chew on I guess, as I learn to be patient with the way my life is here, and the way my heart is no matter where I am.

Coming Home

Arrived back in Laos 8 days ago.  It's been a whirlwind 8 days, but full of good times too.  I was met at the airport by Christa, Sone, Sone's parents, 2 sisters, her niece, her great aunt and uncle and 2 of her sister's friends. It was quite the homecoming and so so nice to be on solid ground after about 41 hours of travel! We had a big meal all together at our house when I got back and then Christa and I had to leave for the first part of training.  That night was my only night at home for pretty much the whole week because we had 4 days of training where we stayed at a hotel on the other side of town.

Sone, Nouy (that's Sone's younger sis who is also going to be living with us) and I unpacked my bags and sorted through all of the holiday items I had brought back and managed to have a lot of laughs in the meantime...they tested out the wigs, glasses and of course the whoopie cushions I brought back. We also played Jenga and Nouy was really excited to play because she'd seen it in Thai and Korean movies before but had never played it. I don't think I've ever played so much Jenga as I have these last 8 days!!

Training was pretty much awesome! I was a little sad at first that we weren't going to be commuting because I had so been looking forward to hanging out with my Lao friends when I got home, but it was so good for my heart to be away, and to really let the Father saturate my heart with Him. The theme was "Show me your glory" and we just spent significant time every day asking the Father to do just that...we have nothing if we do not have him, and I think it is often easy to think we have to work work work, instead of just spending time in His presence.  

On the weekend, we went to Sone's house and our 2 new teammates came with us. It was so much fun! 

Here are some pics from the week. A shoutout to Jayde for teaching me how to shrink my pics so they don't take hours and hours to load! What a difference! :)

One of the things I was super worried about - my luggage weight. 50lbs is the limit, and I felt stupid pr-ing about it, but we did, and let me just say He is so gracious even in the little things. Bag #1 was 50.0 and Bag #2 was...

 Carissa, Dad, Mom and Tsu came to see me off and help me with all my luggage!

 Year #2 and all the stuff I hauled halfway across the world... Brought Dumbo with me this year!

 Sone and I on the way home

 Part of the group that came to pick me up at the airport. We had an amazing Lao feast!

 Unpacking Halloween paraphanalia:)

 Nouy discovering the whoopie cushion

 Scary!

 Playing some Jenga

 One of the reasons I loved training so much...Piper Joy, the daughter of our team leaders in Paxse. She's so precious!

 The sun setting over a "busy" street in Laos

 The 3 shortest teammates (well, not including Piper!)

 Elise and Jeri

 Piper helped me to stay awake during the afternoon sessions by hanging out with me!

 Sunset over the Mekong

 Matt, John and Maurice

Saturday we were off to Sone's house...here are Sone, Nicole and Matt on the bus

 Sone's mom invited a bunch of her teachers from highschool over for dinner the first night that we were there. Sone had no idea they were coming over and we were all really surprised, but it was such a fun evening. Since Sone was busy cooking in the kitchen, I played the role of tranlator for about an hour.  Matt and Nicole are really diligent Lao students so they had fun with the teachers, learning new words and practicing pronunciation.

 This is Sone's older sister's mother-in-law. She is so hilarious and often does funny things. Here she is comparing Matt and Nicole's arm hair.

 This was our group for dinner. We had a delicious feast, and I even tasted the blood this time!

 Sone's dad was glad that there was finally another boy!!

 Sone's parents were taking a picture and we told them they looked like they didn't like each other. So her mom put her arm around her dad and everyone thought that was hilarious because Lao couples typically don't show any kind of public affection.

 Group pic

 Finished off the evening with some riveting rounds of Jenga

As I was thinking about the evening, I realized Sone's mom had invited her former teachers over because she is so proud of Sone and how she has become successful in her education.  For an English major in Laos to be able to speak English as well as Sone does is a pretty big accomplishment.  And to have foreign friends that you can practice with is not only helpful (duh), but in many ways, prestigious. I don't mean that in a proud way at all. But the fact of the matter is, most see foreigners as successful and wealthy and we have a lot of opportunities that many Lao people may never have. It is humbling to know that just because of where I was born, I am seen in such a way, and I always want to be a good steward of that and offer my heart and my services to help people in the best way that I can.  

When we were laying in bed that night I asked if my hypothesis was correct, and she said yes, that her mom is really proud of her and she wanted to share her success with her former teachers. She said how good it made her feel that her parents were so proud of her. Then the tears came, as she said in the midst of the sweet evening she felt the weight of her pain and the disappointments her parents have felt because of her story. In a culture where family is so important, and face saving so key, to make your parents proud is the most important thing a child can do.  It has been so sweet to see the transformation in her as I've been back. Of course, there are hard moments when the pain comes rushing back, but He has truly begun a good work in her life and it is so.. so, I can't even think of a word - amazing, astonishing, humbling, mind-blowing - to sit back and watch His transformation in her life. He has given her wisdom beyond her years and insights that teach my heart new things about Him.  It's beautiful, and I'm so humbled that He has let me have a front-seat view of His power at work.

We went to see Nam Ngum Dam the next day. It's a really beautiful place...

 Sone's family and me...

Best moment of being back so far...hearing my new sister talk to the Father in Lao for the first time. Couldn't hold back the tears of joy!

Sacrifice

So many people think that living overseas is a sacrifice. That doing this kind of "work" is a sacrifice. But really, it's not. In so many ways, my life in Laos does not feel like a sacrifice at all.

But there are some who truly sacrifice.

Those left behind.  My family. My mom, my dad, my sister.

I glimpsed that tonight in my parents' tears.

Something my mom often says is the chair is always empty. At Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. I'm absent from every birthday. We open presents through a computer screen.  Granted, we can see each other, and technology is pretty amazing, but sometimes that taste can feel worse than no taste at all.

I missed my sister's Junior Recital. I'll miss her Senior Recital, her engagement and all those other milestones sisters are usually present for.

I wasn't there when my nephew was born (though I did make it for his dedication:)

I'll miss one of my best friend's weddings.

The ones I love sacrifice much more than I do. 

Before you go thinking this is a list of complaints, or a "woe is me" or "woe are them" (can you even say that?!) diatribe, pause. I know so often I am tempted to judge every thought or feeling instead of just letting it be.

As my counselor always says, "It is what it is." And in this case, what it is is hard. Really hard.

Not bad, but hard. 

I think sometimes we miss out because we're afraid to name what is hard. To name what hurts.  And when we do that, we miss out on seeing something about our own hearts. And about the One who is Comforter, Emmanuel, always with us.

Even when it hurts.  Especially when it hurts. He is there.

These thoughts are dedicated to my some of my heroes. My mom. My dad. My little sister. They love me enough to let me go. Even when it hurts. Like hell.

Why? Because they're the ones that taught me about the Famous One. The One who did sacrifice everything and left everything to come to a "foreign land" to make a way to the Father.

He is the One who is worthy of the hearts of those from every tongue, tribe and nation. The reason we leave the empty chairs behind. And miss recitals and so many other treasured moments.

Because He is worth it.

It doesn't lessen the ache. But it makes looking ahead to the New World that much sweeter.

"Now the L--- said to Abram, 'Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you...so that you will be a blessing...'"

Blessed... to be a blessing.


In His power.

And by His grace.

Because we've tasted of His sweetness, and we want the rest of the world to taste of it too.

Craziness at the "Funny Farm"

Growing up, we always jokingly called our house the "Funny Farm," especially after the grandparents moved in and Grams would run around the house shaking her finger and saying, "You, you, you!"  Our house has always been a pretty crazy place for one reason or another, and last night was probably one of those extra crazy times, but a fun time in the midst of a summer that's often been marked by bittersweet experiences.

Ok, so my words are failing at explaining. But these pictures should make up for it!

On the way back from our trip to New Bern, we stopped at a Walgreens and I found some pretty sweet wigs for a good price (I've been trying to collect fun things to bring back to Laos for Halloween and other times we might want to dress up:)

Here we are modeling them in the car...

 I even got Julianne to try on one of the wigs! Who knew she had such a crazy side!:)

After I got home, I had Jessie and Tsukasa join the dress-up zaniness!

 My personal fave of the 3 of us...just for the record, Jess isn't wearing a wig, just some pretty bushy eyebrows

Toots couldn't be left out of the fun!

 It all started because I was showing off my purchases to mom and Tsu in my room...

 Then I even convinced Mom to try some of it on. She was even willing to smash down her hair to put on this wig. Unbelievable, I know. Just think how much money women could save if they used wigs instead of going to the salon every 6 weeks!

 Dad got some of his own dress up gear from his room - a moustache and, of course, a Gator hat

Now this is a rare occurance, right here!

The whole time mom kept saying, "Now don't you put this on facebook." So, like the obedient daughter that I am, I didn't. But she didn't say anything about the blog!!

 I contend that this should be their Growth Group leader pic. I mean, who wouldn't want to come hang out with a couple that has this much fun on a Monday night?!

My parents are hilarious! 

Last night was so random and spontaneous and unexpected. But so much fun. Maybe I should bring home random accessories more often! 

Oh and if you have any sitting around your house that you are itching to get rid of, feel free to send it across the ocean with me! We're already gearing up for our Halloween Party!